I wrote the different areas in various places throughout the hymn: Elko for the mountains because that area was the farthest away, stormy sea for Paradise, because even thought the missionaries had a lot of success in this area, they always had the most poverty, grief-stricken families, etc. Anthem was written above battle-front because it was the richest area in the mission and it always felt like you were putting yourself out there to eaten alive by these rich, stuck-up people who lived behind gates that needed codes. "But if by the still small voice he calls, to paths that I do not know...I'll answer dear Lord with my hand in Thine...I'll go where you want me to go.
The words and phrases especially applied to missionaries. Perhaps there are loving words that Jesus would have me speak. There may be now in the paths of sin, some wander who I should seek. O savior if thou wilt be my guide, tho dark and rugged the way. My voice shall the echo the message sweet. I'll say what you want me to say.
How many times in life do we desire to the do the will of the Lord, but feel we are too weak, or not knowledgeable enough.
Jeremiah 1:7: But the Lord said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak.
How many times in life do we know the will of God. We know what we're supposed to do. We know what we are supposed to say...and yet we rebelliously choose the other path. We think the consequences will not apply. Heavenly Father is just suggesting another way," we think. We have our own will and we have to follow our own heart. We don't have to follow everything he says. Mmmmm we might want to rethink thinking that. Let's talk about the lost pages of the Book of Mormon.
In April 1828, Joseph Smith began his first persistent translation of the Book of Mormon. He dictated, and Martin Harris wrote until there were 116 pages of manuscript.
Martin’s persistent requests to show this manuscript to his family wearied Joseph into letting him take it to Palmyra, where its pages were stolen from him, lost, and probably burned. For this the Lord rebuked Martin and Joseph. Joseph had his gift of translation suspended for a season, and Martin was rebuked as “a wicked man” who had “set at naught the counsels of God, and … broken the most sacred promises which were made before God” (D&C 3:12–13; see also D&C 10). Fortunately, both Joseph and Martin were later forgiven by the Lord, and the work of translation resumed with other scribes.
Let us make mention, that when the Lord forgives, all is forgiven. Martin made the mistake of praying until he had the answer he wanted. The Lord grew weary of the prophet Joseph Smith's request to allow Martin to show the manuscript to his family. The Lord knew what would happen, and after many requests, allowed it to happen. We think when we have a challenge in life, we did something wrong. Or we didn't do anything wrong so how could this be happening to me. But there could be one other possibility.
There are three reasons why challenges and trials happen. Now it is hard to talk to each and every one of you and help you pinpoint which experience in your life has been what challenge, but I can try to pull what I have learned and share what I have analyzed from these experiences.
First, challenges and trials are brought upon us because of the actions we have made.
I met a boy at a dance in college. He was so attractive, truly. My eyes followed him the whole night. It wasn't that he was really cute, he had an air of confidence, a big grin on his face, and he looked mischievous. Back then, I liked that. I've grown out of that stage and finally settled down with my cute geek.
I would continue to this guy every week at the country dances and I would always ask him to dance, but he never remembered me, and he never asked me to dance. I asked my friend who lived across the apartment from me what he was like because I noticed she hung around with his group. She told me he was quite the player. He went from girl to girl, and at a church school, you know that can't be a good sign. I was intrigued anyway. I knew I had "the stuff" to nail this one down, if I could just have an "in"....The dance after we had this conversation, I went up to him, asked him to dance, and he led me to the dance floor. Before he could even get out,"What's your name..." I told him I knew that he was a player. Well I was in. He was hooked. He was in it to prove he was not on the man hunt, which he was!
We started to date. I knew from the beginning it wouldn't lead anywhere. I knew I wouldn't end up with him. I dated him anyway because I needed a little fun in my life. And fun...I got. We went 4-wheeling, hiking, dancing together...that was new. We went to church together, we talked on the phone all the time, I saw him every day, I met his family, we said I love you on the third date......Wait was that supposed to happen. Fifth date....we are talking about marriage. Whoa I thought this was supposed to just be a fun one Heavenly Father? Why am I saying I love you back?
I knew I shouldn't had said yes. Even when we were picking out our rings together, we are arguing at the counter. He wanted a gold ring with diamonds on it. I should have known right then and there he wasn't right for me. I fell more and more in love. I stopped praying, "Should I marry him?" and instead prayed he would change to be the person I needed him to be. His rebellion showed more and more as we dated. He had changed alot according to his stories, and I could honestly see his effort. But I knew I was marrying beneath me. And that is not to say he was not a good guy. That is also not saying I was better than him. I just knew it wasn't a match. Round hole, square peg.
It all ended in tears. Betrayal, lies...and eventually a breakup that led to heartbreak. As I drove home from his house after the initial breakup I could barely see through the enormous puddle on my face. What had I gotten myself into. Yes, I had gotten into that mess. I don't ever remember feeling good about my decision to date him, to get engaged to him, and definitely not to make him my eternal companion. What a huge decision to rely on without heavenly assistance. If only I would have listened in the beginning. But again, what good does it do to say what it? I have become who I am because of that heartbreak and depression I had to pull through. But if you're in that path that I was in, the first initial stage of deciding....decide to follow the Lord...in ALL things.
Most share experiences where big decisions are involved, but so many times in life, we are asked to follow the Lord with small things...and then he knows he can trust us with the weightier matters. If we cannot even do our visiting teaching, or go to Seminary, or even follow the prompting to talk to someone, how will we know how to recognize when he is helping us with a decision.
I think one of the hardest lessons I have learned so far in my life is that you cannot force someone to do the right thing. You cannot help them understand the right choice to make is. Sometimes we have to watch as a loved one closest to us stumbles, and even falls.
I has such a dear friend in high school in college who I admired so much. He was such a strong member. He was always so positive and happy. He reminded me that I was slacking. He made me want to be better. He was one of best friends and we had grown close over the years. While I was away on my mission, he decided to go to BYU.
Before leaving, he was the most impressive LDS boy in our 2 hour driving range stake in Georgia. He was very well known and everyone loved him. You can imagine there weren't many LDS guys, and even further from that were the quality LDS guys. When he arrived at BYU, he was a little fish in a big ole sea of Mormon boys. So many other quality guys were there with talents equal and above his.
He eventually found his footing and developed new friends and his schedule filled quickly. He worked at the MTC as a teacher. He seemed to be doing well when I had returned from my mission. I talked to him a few times, but wasn't able to visit until the next semester. I remember going to this house and playing games with him and his new found friends. He seemed the same for the most part. I only noticed he was a little off when he got in an argument over something little with his roommate. It seem like him to be so petty about something. I let it go, but I found out later, I had been right about those feelings. He left BYU with a guilty mind....he made a life change that would change him forever. His new lifestyle he had chosen made it very difficult to live the teachings of the gospel. He had confided in me all that had went wrong. How he had strayed, and what he was going to do about it. In the beginning, he had alot of faith that he would be able to overcome everything. He moved away and put the past behind him, but he also moved to a place where church wasn't easy access. He got out of the habit of going to church, and slipped further and further away.
Now remember how we are talking about how the actions of others bring challenges and trials. This was a very difficult part of my life. I looked up to this sweet friend I trusted his opinion. I knew he wanted to be righteous and yet, he chose not to. It was a very difficult process to watch, and even though I was glad he could and would confide in me, I wish it wasn't me was confiding too. I was glad he had someone, but sometimes, I didn't want to know all the many things he struggled with/. I felt hopeless. I could give him advice...although many times he knew what to do and was just choosing another path. Other than that, I could pray for him. Never under-estimate the power of prayer.
In this case, I had not made a wrong choice. I had merely been a dear friend of someone who did. But it influenced me. It influenced me to the core. It shook me. I shed alot of tears of anguish over what he had done.
The third and last reason challenges and trials are brought upon us is because the Lord cannot teach us in any other way and wants us to learn to overcome a variety of obstacles.
My freshmen year of high school, I tried out to be on the cheerleading squad. Back then, they would bring in a panel of judges from a nearby university. These judges would judge a cheer you made up, a sequence of steps in a dance, and show of a variety of jumps and tumbling tricks. Up until the week of tryouts, I had been struggling to get my back handspring down by myself and up until that point, I had failed miserably with a few nasty lands on my neck and head.
Tryout day came, and because I have an extremely loud voice and had some mad dancing skills, I knew I had aced that part of the audition. It came time to show my flipping skills. I was nervous, but I said a prayer and asked the girl who usually spotted me that I would be doing it alone. She looked at me skeptically, but shrugged her shoulders.
I went into the middle of the floor, facing the judges, and said a quickie prayer. I closed my eyes and flipped. It has been a long time since that day, but I'll never forget that invisible hand that lay on my back helping me over. I landed on my feet with a smile, and walked off the floor.
Well, I waited for what seemed like an eternity for the results. It was later that night. We drove back to the gym and I walked up to the gym doors. There were two lists. Varisity and JV. I looked at the JV list first because I knew there was no chance of making Varsity. I wasn't on the JV list. I panicked. But then I had screams and shrills from the other girls looking at the Varsity list to come over quickly. There at the bottom of the list stood by name. There were only a few slots on Varsity open and freshmen never got in. I was doubtful but still read the list. On the very bottom, with three other freshmen was my name in black ink. I had made it. I was thrilled.
What a year it was. The first semester seemed to be the best. We had lots of practice, games, parties, and dinners. We were always busy. I wore my cheerleading outfit faithfully every Friday to school. We performed at games, at pep rallies, and other small events for the school and community. My grades suffered a little, but I wasn't too concerned. I was doing well, or so I thought.
At the beginning of the year, we only ad basketball games to worry about, so we started practicing for our ig cheer competitions. Our Varsity team was actually really great. When we first started practicing, they told me that because freshmen didn't usually make them Varsity team, that I was actually an alternate. SO that meant I was now on the JV squad. Well two hurt girls later, they didn't choose me to be on the Varsity. So I stayed with the JV team. I was a little sad, but happy to still be cheering. I was the one put up in all the stunts. I was the middle of everything because I was so little. I had thought it would be an advantage. It turned out, I didn't fit in with the new girls. I missed out on the bonding they had already had. Not only was I friendless, but I also struggled with my cheering in general.
They told me I sung the words too much, that I bent my wrists in all the stunts, and I could never do the backflip without the help of someone again. I don't know what happened because I was practicing more and more every week. I even took an extra stunting class. It's like Heavenly Father was wanting me to fail.
I did okay during competition season, but JV did not have as high as expectations. I still felt sad that the other three freshman alternates finished off their year in Varsity. The next year, when it was time to try-out I knew I might not make Varsity again, but definitely I would make JV again. The coaches emphasized to us many times that this year there would be a different tryout. The coaches would be judging the tryouts and they mentioned that some who had made it last year, may not be making it this year. I felt confident. I had worked hard, and even though I wasn't the best, I knew I deserved at least a spot.
My coach didn't think so. I did not make either list that year. The girls did not know what to say to me when they saw me looking. I was the only girl to not return that next year. I was devastated
Didn't Heavenly Father know how hard I had tried? How LDS girls hardly ever got picked as the popular girl? How was I supposed to share my light if I wasn't in the light. I cried and cried and cried. And after I was done crying, I thought back to my year of cheering. My coaches never really did like me, my teammates never really connected with me. I thought back to all those lonely evenings sitting alone on the bus on the way home from games. Or the many lonely moments of break in between practices and many quiet moments at the dinners I had been invited to before the games.
I realized I had not really been included. Everyone was cordial, but I had not really attained the popularity one might think a Freshman Varsity cheerleader would have. I was still me. And me is not who they wanted. I was only put on that team because outside judges saw potential in me and didn't judge me for who I was, but what I was capable of.
I continued to look back at who I was and realized thee C's later, I was not doing my best as a student. I was almost failing all of my important classes, and I was even making terrible grades at the easy ones. Even though I wasn't able to make it with the in-crowd among my fellow cheerleaders, I had earned quite a few friends elsewhere. I was so concerned about being popular, I didn't even realize I was leting myself slip further and further away from the person I needed to be.
After I sat in self-pity and wallow for awhile, I finally realized that because this door that had seemed so shiny and bright was actually a dull, heavy door laden with failure and consequence. It was time to see what else the Lord had in store. The next year I dreaded. While my fellow ex-cheer peers were going through their practices, games, and pep-rallies, I felt sad inside. What could have been? I realized it wasn't going to be easy, but I would need to set new goals for myself and turn my focus back towards a greater cause.
It was very difficult. I had to change my way of thinking. I had to focus back on how I used to be. As a result a lot of good happened. My grades went up and I formed relationships with good friends. I got more involved in young womens and started working on my YW recognition. I joined the Bel Cano choir, I got more involved in the local 4-H club and ran and made district board of directors overseeing the 4-H club in 30 plus counties. I was voted International Club President, I performed in a one-act play. I was asked to be the Co-chair for the Youth Committee planning activities for youth in our stake. I missed cheerleading so much, that I eventually set my pride aside and coached a little-league cheerleading team. It was so much fun. I loved teaching younger kids.
I involved myself in all of these activities through the next three years. I felt happy, accepted, and I grew spiritually in ways I couldn't have without those leadership opportunities. I couldn't have known at the time of the great disappointment, that Heavenly Father had all of these blessings and opportunities waiting for me. I am so much the better person for being involved and active in these various activities. I learned leadership and communication skills, business and procedures, and gained so many life-long friends I still keep in touch with.
In this case, I had not made a poor decision. Other than my coaches not picking me, a poor decision was not made by others that affected me. The Lord was trying to teach me. He was trying to lead me to a much gentler path in this life. One that might mold and shape me gently. Who knows what would have happened to me in that pit of lions they called cheerleading, and popularity.
The Lord knows all. We need to trust in Him. When we think He is targeting us, or sending us through the muck of life, we need to realize that HE knows we are there, and that he wants us there. Service was the key in my healing of what had happened to me.
As the prophet-king Benjamin taught, "When [we] are in the service of [our] fellow beings [we] are only in the service of [our] God" (Mosiah 2:17). He also cautioned us to "see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength" (Mosiah 4:27).
I couldn't see then end at the beginning of my loss. Of course I couldn't and I wouldn't. How else was I going to learn? How selfish would Heavenly Father be to take my learning and my growth away. Isn't that what we came here for?
The last verse of "I will go where you want me to go rings in my ears as I think of serving others in times of loss, confusion, or wanting.
"There's surely somewhere a lowly place, in earth's harvest fields so wide, where I may labor through life's short day for Jesus the Crucified. So trusting my all to thy tender care and knowing thou lovest me, I'll do thy will with a heart sincere, I'll be what you want me to be."
(Scan and make a copy of hymn book from mission)
Scriptures:
- Abraham, who led Isaac on that heartbreaking journey to Mount Moriah, was faithfully going where the Lord wanted him to go (see Genesis 22).
- So was David when he stepped out before the hosts of Israel to answer the challenge of the giant Goliath (see 1 Samuel 17).
- Esther, inspired to save her people, walked a life-threatening path to challenge the king in his inner court (see Esther 4–5).
- "I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord" was the motivation for Lehi to leave Jerusalem (see 1 Nephi 2) and for his son Nephi to return for the precious records (see 1 Nephi 3).
John 20:21, 1 Nephi 3:7, and Isaiah 6:8.
Other notes/stories
There is a certain difference between:
1) “I’m going to ask the Lord where He want’s me to go and then I’ll go there.”
2) “I’m going to make my decision (of where to go) and ask confirmation from the Lord.”
3) “I’m going to make my decision (of where to go) and if the Lord doesn’t approve He’ll let me know.”
I’ve done all three, but it’s usually #2 or #3. So I guess in my case the song would be “I’ll go where I want to go as long as the Lord is cool with it.”2) “I’m going to make my decision (of where to go) and ask confirmation from the Lord.”
3) “I’m going to make my decision (of where to go) and if the Lord doesn’t approve He’ll let me know.”
IF YOU WANT ME TO
-GINNY OWENS
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to
When I'm following my own thoughts and actions and not those of the Lord's, I am really saying, "Not today!" "Not that!" "Not now!"
3 reasons why challenges happen to us
-Poor decisions made by us
-Poor decisions made by others that affect us
-Lord wants to teach us and overcome a variety of obstacles
- Byu conference
Decision to go to byu idaho
Not applying anywhere else
- Chad
Example from a poor decison
- Decision to go on a mission
Blessing from leander with message that the lord needed me if i wanted to go
- Leanders decision to go to byu
- On mission
I'll go where you want me to go
Hymn 270
Transfer conference
Willing to accept area or companion
- Decision to go back to byu idajo on my mission as soon as i got home
Meeting trevor
Fighting my decision to go
Finally receiving an answer to go because i could only think of ways to tell him i needed to go
Blessings of being back in school
Dance team
- Decision to do internship
- Decision to move to ogden
Getting tp byu idaho early
Interview with mark at byu idaho
Hiring freeze in las vegas
Preperation for moving to utah
Interview in ogden
Moving in a week or less
- Failed attempts at dating
Meeting Fred
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